


Oh, Memories

by GreatAndrewScott



Category: Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys (Album), My Chemical Romance, The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys (Comic)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-06
Updated: 2015-03-06
Packaged: 2018-03-16 14:47:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3492338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreatAndrewScott/pseuds/GreatAndrewScott
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Killjoys were killed on November 18th, 2019.  For reasons unknown to him, Better Living Industries kept Gerard alive.  All that he knows about his Killjoy days is what BL/ind has told him.  Sometimes he can almost grasp a memory, but they get lost in his nightmares.  When he finally starts to remember, will he be able to cope or will he break under the weight of it all?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Oh, Memories

**Author's Note:**

> Everything in italics is either a nightmare, a little background, or Gerard's memory set off by some trigger.

_Staring into the blood pooling around his head was too surreal.  Was this death?  Watching Dracs gunning down his friends made it seem more like Hell.  Somewhere, he could hear a girl screaming, “Poison!!!” After that, darkness._

_When he came to again, he was in a white room, unable to move.  People were shuffling around him in somewhat of a panic.  Over all the ruckus in the room, he could hear music.  It was an old melody, played by a full band, that made him want to get up and fight._

_He tried to move, needing to move.  Someone stuck a needle in his arm, increasing his panic.  Soon, his body went limp and the song faded to static with his consciousness._

_-_

Gerard woke up screaming again.  He thrashed in his BLi sleep pod, tangling himself up and ultimately falling out of his bed.  Hitting the ground brought him back into reality enough to start calming down.  He unwound himself from his sheets and reached for the night stand, grabbing aimlessly until he found his bottle.  When he turned the pill bottle over, nothing came out. 

 

_-_

_A war was on the horizon, but it didn’t stop them from having a show.  People were being drafted to what would be called the Helium War and he wanted to get in one last hurrah before he inevitably went to war._ _He loved jumping around on the stage with his brothers.  It didn’t matter that they were just the opening band.  It only mattered that they were a part of it at all._

_At the end of their bit, he took a big bow and blew kisses to the crowd.  He went backstage with his arm around their shortest guitarist.  The guitarist asked, “You wanna grab a drink with us?”_

_He shook his head.  “I think I’m gonna watch them.  I wanna see what we got the crowd worked up for.”_ _He never regretted the decision to watch the show, because that’s when he first saw her.  She wore a schoolgirl outfit, played the bass, and could go it all while doing a backbend._

_He knew as soon as he saw her that he was in love._

_-_

A team of makeup artists surrounded the restless and twitching Gerard, making disapproving sounds at his appearance.  They were using all of their cosmetic knowledge to make him look good enough to eat.

When they finished, Gerard barely recognized himself.  The man in the mirror may have been a younger, better dressed version of himself.  Makeup was discouraged by BL/ind, but not when it came to their products.  Gerard had to be the perfect example of the BL/ind consumer lifestyle.

Then came a knock—

 

_He drew his hand back from the door, wiping his sweaty palm on his torn jeans.  He had a tendency to smell bad when he was nervous and he hoped to whatever deity that now wasn’t one of those times._

_A girl with cute pig-tails and contrastingly seductive red lips opened the trailer door, and his heart skipped a beat.  “Hey handsome.  Those for me?”  She asked, pointing at the uprooted flowers in his hand._

_It took him a moment to register the words and hand her the flowers.  “You know, there’s an extreme lack of flower selling at this concert.  It’s a fucking travesty.  Flowers are the oldest present in the book.  I had to improvise; walked for about twenty minutes before I found anything alive enough.  How else am I supposed to let this amazing girl that took my breath away like twenty times during her set know how amazing I think she is?”_

_A smile curled on her beautiful red lips. “I think you’re off to a good start. The name’s—“_

_“Lindsey,” he cut her off, “yeah, I know. You guys fucking killed tonight, I made sure I knew your names.”_

_“You’re making me feel bad now because I don’t even know your name.”_

_He laughed nervously. “Sorry. My name’s—“_

“Gerard’s on in ten minutes, hurry it up.”  Gerard’s manager, who always seemed to be in a perpetual bad mood, slammed the door.

Within a few minutes, Gerard walked onto stage with the biggest, fakest smile on his face.  Show host Jimmy Kimmel greeted him with a firm handshake, a clap on the shoulder, and offered him a seat.

“So Gerard—can I call you Gee?”

 

_His baby brother spoke his first word, “Gee.”  He would never let anyone else call him that.  It was reserved for M—_

Gerard nodded, knowing how to play the game.

“Gee, you used to be the leader of the renegade gang called ‘the Killjoys’ and for a while, many months actually, most people thought you were dead.  Now, you’re working in BL/ind’s music industry and you’ve just released your first studio album ‘Hesitant Alien’.”  Jimmy paused for the applause.  “Would you like to tell us anything about the Killjoys?”

Gerard could feel the eyes of the corporate heads burning into him.  One wrong word and it would be the end of him.

“I actually don’t remember much from my Killjoy days.” This was true. “I just know that I was in a really bad place at the time but with the help of Better Living’s mental vacations and just Better Living in general, I’ve really been able to pull myself together and achieve that sense of, like, being.”  Necessary lies.  Be BLi’s lapdog, get a treat, and don’t get kicked out on the streets.

The audience applauded him for saying this though, completely believing every word that came out of his mouth or too drugged up to realize otherwise.

Jimmy asked him arbitrary questions regarding BLi and he answered. 

Yes, the new hair color was a mixture of Better Living’s desert orange and resort red. (It wasn’t really. Gerard knew that something was up with BLi’s hair coloring products, so he made his own concoctions at home.)

Yes, he was enjoying the beach mental vacation but he also highly recommended trying the hiking mental vacation, both available over the counter or at the BLi Retinal Resorts.

Then Jimmy asked a more personal question.  “What can you tell us about the inspiration around Hesitant Alien? Any specific songs?”

“Well actually,” Gerard started, knowing he might be overreaching his bounds, “ ‘Brother’ is a song that came to mind when I was trying to understand my past more and… and my brother.”

Whispers arose from the crowd and Jimmy raised an eyebrow.  “He was a Killjoy, too.  Kobra Kid, right?”

“Right.  I, um, I don’t remember his name and…” 

And they wouldn’t tell him either.  And he could barely discern reality from illusion.  And it was because of the brain damage caused by the stunner on his assailant’s ray gun. 

“…and I just wanted to know him.  To understand him and myself.  To know why he and I would chose such a terrible life when we could have been complacent and well if we would have accepted Better Living in our lives.”  He wiped away a tear that had come to his eye and the crowd made a soft awing noise.  “I know, I just know that he had a good heart.  I wish he could have had another chance like me.” 

Jimmy offered him a tissue and Gerard accepted.  While he was blotting his eyes, careful of his makeup, Jimmy picked up the crowd with a few jokes and led them into a commercial break.

-

_The gang and he had been out in the zones for over three years, saving refugees of the Helium War and Battery City.  They agreed on a break and all went their separate ways.  Finally, he returned to his hidden house in the desert.  Except something wasn’t right._

_The door hung off its hinges and sand settled into the wood floor.  He got out his gun, knowing well that the damage had been done long ago, but he wanted to be safe._

_“Lins?”  He allowed himself to say.  He moved around his abandoned home.  “Hey Lins, are you here?”_

_No response._

_When he finished searching and deemed the house safe, he rushed into the kitchen.  He opened the cupboard doors and pulled down a rustic metallic teapot.  Taking a shaky breath, he removed the lid and found the worst._

_He took out the piece of paper, a note that surely signified his wife’s death, and read it._

_“Pegasus”_

_-_

Gerard picked up his medication from the BL/ind pharmacy, and on the way home he passed through the red-light district.  BL turned a blind eye to the red-light district, fully aware that their most loyal customers either came from or frequented there.

He stopped in a liquor store and bought a bottle of their strongest whiskey.  The cheap whiskey was well over-priced, but Gerard had more carbons than he knew how to spend. 

He spent a few hours downing the whiskey and numbing himself more and more.  Gerard turned into an alley to finish the bottle when he spotted a woman putting her arm back on.  He cleared his mind enough to realize that she was an escort droid.

Before he even knew what he was saying, he blurted out, “I’ll give you enough to replace your arm and your next battery if you blow me.”  Realizing how rude he’d been, he tried to explain himself.  “Sorry, I just need—“

“You had me at battery,” she said, using her working hand to drag him further into the alley.

 

_He ran as fast as he could in the cold desert eve to the nearest Dead Pegasus gas station.  Any hope he had was abandoned when he entered the Dead Pegasus.  The same owner that had been there for years did not greet him with a friendly smile, but a solemn expression._

_The owner reached under the counter and slid an envelope to him.  “She left this for you.”_

_He remembers tearing it open, his eyes pouring over every word, but he doesn’t remember what the letter said._

_He remembers the owner saying something and he remembers lashing out at him, screaming and accusing._

_Most of all, he remembers a pair of eyes peaking around the corner, and all his shouting subsiding._

Gerard handed her the money and awkwardly thanked her.  He somehow managed to put himself back in his pants, stumble into a taxi and into bed.

He woke up with a hangover at two pm the next day.  In his drunkenness, he’d forgotten to take a pill.  He made himself some coffee and ate a piece of bread, but he felt like today would be a vacation day.  Gerard took one of his pills and slept the rest of the day.

 -

Gerard awoke the next morning to hear his radio crackling.  He blinked away the sleep in his eyes to see that his radio dial was moving itself.  He put on his glasses to see that it finally stopped on the station 109.  Even in his sleepiness, he knew that 109 was an impossible radio signal.

The station, which had been silent, suddenly came to life: “ _Look alive, sunshine! One-Oh-Nine in the sky!  You’re here with me, Doctor Death-Defying._ ”

At this point, Gerard was very, very awake.  He remembered it.  This voice.  This broadcast.  This day.  He sat up in his bed and pinched himself to make sure he wasn’t having another nightmare.

“ _A system failure for the masses!  Anti-matter for the master plan!”_   Ghoul, Kobra, Jet.  The girl.  “ _Louder than god’s revolver and twice as shiney!_ ”

All of the memories were trying to push their way to the front of his mind.  Gerard’s hands had found their way to his head, clenching his hair tightly.  He tried to turn off the little radio, but it wouldn’t budge from the station.  He resorted to hiding away in the bathroom.  He took off his glasses and splashed water on his face.  Gerard looked into the mirror and gasped. 

His reflection showed long, bright red hair, a Dead Pegasus jacket and a yellow mask around his neck.

He blinked and saw himself again.

Gerard turned away from the mirror and focused on his hair supplies.  He couldn’t be red anymore.  He needed something else, something very different.  His eyes landed on the bleach and he knew what he needed.

The next time Gerard looked in the mirror, he didn’t see red.  He saw himself in a towel, his hair wet and white.  Gerard wanted to get dressed but avoided his room and the radio inside, which he could hear playing an old rock song.  He made himself eat instead.

When he finally had the courage to return to his bedroom, he was relieved to just hear music.  After putting on his clothes, he stared at the radio on his bed side.  It was battery powered and small enough to fit in his pocket.  He assumed that the apparently haunted radio would still receive reception no matter where he put it.  Against his better judgment, Gerard plugged a pair of tangled headphones into the radio and slipped it into the pocket of his black jacket. 

Dr. Death Defying’s voice came back on, and Gerard tensed, but he relaxed when it was only to announce a song.  Desolation Row.  But Gerard started to remember what happened when he listened to this song all those years ago.

_“_ All right all you tumbleweeds, here’s a little throwback to the Pre-Zone era: a live recording of our favorite Killjoys singing a little song you may know called ‘Desolation Row’. _”_

_“Hey Poison, get me a soda while you’re up,” Fun Ghoul said as Party Poison left the card table to use the restroom._

_He rolled his eyes because the chorus of “me too” ‘s followed right in suit.  “Yeah, sure.”_

_On his way back to the table, Poison made sure to shake up Fun Ghoul’s soda._

_“Here,” he said, throwing him the soda.  Poison passed out rest to Kobra Kid, Jet Star, and the girl.  Sure enough, when Ghoul opened the can, it spilled all over him.  They all laughed at him, but Poison remembers Her laughing the loudest._

_Ghoul accused Poison of sabotage, and Poison countered that he had no proof.  Poison’s ears finally picked up the song playing on the radio.  He spaced out while the card game continued on without him.  He looked at the girl, thinking this moment of peace would be the perfect time._

_“We need to get going soon,” Party Poison announced.  There was a sound of general disapproval from the group.  After the round was over, the other Killjoys started getting ready to leave and Poison asked Her to come outside so they could talk alone._

_“What’s up Poison?” She asked._

_Poison glanced back at the door to make sure that the guys weren’t listening.  He knelt down to her eye level.  “Girl, you’ve got something amazing.  Something that Lins saw in you and now I see in you too.  You’ve got a voice, and you’ve got the power to use it.”  He pulled a beat up envelope from his inner jacket pocket.  She started to open in but she stopped when Poison tutted her.  “No, no, no.  Don’t read it now.  There’ll be a time for you to read it.  You’ll know when.”  She stared at him quizzically, the curls on her head bouncing when she tilted her head.  The look nearly broke his heart._

_“I just wanted you to have it in case… things go sour today.”  Poison stood up when he acknowledged their mission.  They had been planning on taking down a BL/ind supplier in the zones for a while, but the Exterminators always seemed to be one step ahead of them in every move they made.  He genuinely feared for their lives.  “Don’t let that get you down, you little Crash Queen.”  Poison ruffled her hair and she giggled._

_They had failed that mission and instead of any of them getting killed, the Dracs escaped and had taken Her away._

The song ended and Gerard fell back into the present.  He’d never clearly remembered being Party Poison until now.  Anything about being Party Poison or the person he’d been before was just a tangle of nightmares and day dreams.  It was as if someone was finally dusting away the cobwebs in his mind.

He still didn’t know who she was, but he knew had to find her.

-

Gerard had been wandering along the city wall for god knows how long now, remembering bits and pieces of his past as the radio replayed the broadcast from (what he assumed was) his last day as a Killjoy.  The only thing he concluded was that he needed to find this girl.  With his white hair and natural face, there were no passerby’s that recognized him as he trudged faster towards the city gates.

He noticed a crack in the wall and something shining through.  Gerard approached the crack and held his breath when he realized it was actual sunlight.  Gerard hadn’t seen real sunlight in years.  The buildings were too tall and the sky always seemed black.  The sun and light were signs of hope in the underground.  

Ray.  That was Jet Star’s name.  Everything about Ray and his personality was big and happy.  He was always so optimistic that they could actually win the little Killjoy war, even after he lost his eye.

_Poison knew just how reckless it was to head right into Battery City the same day they took her away.  The others had tried to reason with him, but Poison couldn’t be persuaded.  He had to save her._

_Getting in was almost too easy.  Poison found her and held her tight.  “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.  I’ll never let them take you again,” he murmured into her ear.  She didn’t seem to be as upset as he was._

_“Poison, hurry up!” he heard Kobra shout.  He let her go and they met up with Kobra in the hall._

Who was she?  Why did he care about her so much?  Gerard hoped that the others’ names would come to him soon.

He could see the gate in the distance, surrounded by Exterminators and other armed forces. Gerard’s head was pounding from digesting all of this information.  The radio cut off Dr. D in mid-sentence and played a song that was half-way through.  It was almost as if it had been turned off or edited. 

Strife began at the gate as the forces charged through.  Dr. D’s voice rang out in through his headphones:

“ _So remember, even if you’re dusted, you may be gone.  But out here in the desert, your shadow lives on without you.  This is Dr. Death Defying, signing off._ ”

That song that he had heard so many times in his nightmares filled his ears and now he was able to recognize it.  It was the Star-Spangled Banner.

_It_ was _too easy.  He’d known that it was.  The Killjoys were all but caught as they fought for their lives, for her life._

_Poison let himself get distracted, giving Korse the perfect opportunity to sneak up on him.  Korse had Poison pinned to the wall before he could react.  He looked Korse in the eyes and seethed, “Kill me.”_

_“You would only be so lucky,” he sneered back.  Korse fired his gun into Poison’s head._

_But he didn’t die._

_He was paralyzed._

_Kobra noticed that Poison had gone down and shouted, running to his brother.  “No, Mikey, save yourself,” Poison wanted to say, but nothing came out.  Poison watched his baby brother get shot in the head._

_He was screaming inside, willing his body to move with no response.  Helpless, he watched Jet and the girl run through the door, and Ghoul lock himself in with the Exterminators._ _Frank, his closest friend in all of this mess, fell after taking multiple shots._

_Outside, Poison saw Ray, solemn and still on the ground.  Back-ups for the Killjoys arrived too late to save them, but he saw the girl get away, and Poison was at peace with it.  The Exterminators shot after the van, but didn’t chase it._

_Minutes or hours could have passed before Poison heard a woman’s voice.  “They saw the bodies?”_

_“Yes ma’am,” Korse replied, “They believe the Killjoys are dead.”_

_The woman laughed.  “Good. Put them all in body bags and televise it for good measure.  We’ll begin their Reassignment tomorrow.”_

_“Why?”  Korse asked.  There was a silence that Poison assumed was a glaring match.  “Why keep any of them alive?”_

_She considered his question a moment before answering, “Some of them will remember nothing.  But we have plans for Party Poison.  We’ll put him in the public eye, and we’ll let him remember what we want him to remember.  He will become our spokesman, the new face of BL/ind.  It will be a bigger slap in the face than their death to any rebels who think they can overthrow us.”_

_Poison passed out before he could hear Korse’s response._

 

Mikey.  Frank.

Gerard remembered everything.

Something shook the ground and Gerard ran toward the gate to get a better view.  The sunlight of the desert was nearly blinding, but he saw it.  Destroya.  And a teenage girl with choppy hair.  He could tell, even from the distance, that it was that same girl.  But he still couldn’t place her name.

Suddenly, an ear-piercing sound emitted from the area of the fight.  Gerard slammed his hands over his ears.  When things started exploding, he took cover.

-

The dust had finally settled and Gerard made his way over and through the carnage to find the girl.  “I’m not leaving you again,” he mumbled.  He grunted as he picked up a larger piece of debris to check under it.  Gerard heard coughing to his left.  He quickly got up and hopped over the obstacles until he got to her.

Sand dirtied almost every part of her body.  Gerard knew better than to try and wipe it off her, but he couldn’t resist gently pushing her hair back and giving it a little ruffle.  Her eyes shot open and she tensed at the sight of him.

He gave her a smile.  “Poison?”  She asked weakly.  He nodded.  Gerard knew that she would have leaped at him if she could, but all she could accomplish was inching herself onto her elbow.  With her other hand, she tried to unzip her vest with fumbling fingers.  After a few moments of struggling, Gerard unzipped it for her.  Tucked away in a secret pocket on the inside was a beat up envelope.

“You think now’s a good time?” Gerard nodded again.  She took it from her pocket and handed it to him.  “Read it for me?”

“Of course.”  He could remember reading her old comics and other books that they would find in the zones.  Gerard sat cross-legged in the sand and pulled her head into his lap to rest.

A tear made its way down his cheek as he unfolded the letter.  When he began reading, he found that he knew every word.

 

“ _Gerard,_

_“They know who you are.  I’ve heard that they’ve been asking around about you, and I know they know about us.  We thought we were being so careful, getting married backstage of all places, but it wasn’t enough.  They’ll be coming for me.  I don’t know when, but I know it’ll be soon._

_“On a different note, you’ll be happy to learn that you’re a father.—“_

Gerard’s voice cracked.  He labored his breathing and resumed.

_“I was going to tell you—I was three months pregnant when you left.  But I couldn’t tell you once you were set on leaving.  I knew you were going to do great things and the baby would have just kept you here.  I named her Bandit.  Bandit Lee Way.  Just like Smokey and the Bandit.  I was always your Bandit, but now she’ll be taking my place.”_

He no longer tried to stop the tears trailing down his face.

_“She’s gonna be just like you, Gerard, I can feel it.  Even though she’s so young, she’s already got a strong voice.  Nobody knows that she’s our daughter, and you know that it has to stay that way._

_“Please take care of her.  I will always love you, Gerard._

_“Lyn-z”_

 

Gerard stared at Lindsey’s beautiful handwriting for another moment and folded it back up, returning it to the envelope.  Bandit was looking up at Gerard, her eyes also brimmed with tears.

“Wow.” Gerard glanced over his shoulder to see all three of his friends that were supposed to be dead, all in varying states of disarray.  Each of them held their own radio.  They must have heard the transmission on 109 too.

“I’d love to catch up, but they’ll be sending more Exterminators,” Gerard said, slowly raising to his feet.  Between the sun and his age, getting up was almost painful.  He carefully picked up Bandit from the ground and held her close to his chest.

Mikey stepped closer to his brother.  “Where do we go from here?”

Gerard gave a light shrug and looked out to what lied beyond the city.  “Back into the desert.  What do you say boys,” he smirked at his aged crew, “are you ready for a new adventure?”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! If you have any questions about the story or if you just really like what you read, leave a comment!


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